In the course of Burns Night entertainment, tradition has it that the proud haggis is brought from the kitchen and paraded around the gathered guests to the sounds of Scottish tunes on fiddle or bagpipe. Before the knife is plunged into the Haggis’ entrails, the traditional poem ‘Address to a Haggis’ by Robert Burns is read and this raises a question. In the English Somerset town of Kingsbury Episcopi, Martock, should the Haggis address be performed with attempted Scottish accent or should it be addressed in plain spoken English so the gathered throng of Sassenachs can readily understand the bard’s immortal (but translated) words?
Personally, I’d go for the translation any time because my attempt at a Scottish accent might be hilarious to some but would probably be insulting to the few true Scots that might be present and, as a humble musician, I’d rather please than offend people!
So here are the (translated) words of Robert Burns’ poem ‘Address to a Haggis’. The dialect version is available at Wikipedia Address to a Haggis!
‘Address to a Haggis’ by Robert Burns
Good luck to you and your honest, plump face,
Great chieftain of the sausage race!
Above them all you take your place,
Stomach, tripe, or intestines:
Well are you worthy of a grace
As long as my arm.
……
The groaning trencher there you fill,
Your buttocks like a distant hill,
Your pin would help to mend a mill
In time of need,
While through your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
……
His knife see rustic Labour wipe,
And cut you up with ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like any ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm steaming, rich!
……
Then spoon for spoon, the stretch and strive:
Devil take the hindmost, on they drive,
Till all their well swollen bellies by-and-by
Are bent like drums;
Then old head of the table, most like to burst,
‘The grace!’ hums.
……
Is there that over his French ragout,
Or olio that would sicken a sow,
Or fricassee would make her vomit
With perfect disgust,
Looks down with sneering, scornful view
On such a dinner?
……
Poor devil! see him over his trash,
As feeble as a withered rush,
His thin legs a good whip-lash,
His fist a nut;
Through bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit.
……
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his ample fist a blade,
He’ll make it whistle;
And legs, and arms, and heads will cut off
Like the heads of thistles.
……
You powers, who make mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill of fare,
Old Scotland wants no watery stuff,
That splashes in small wooden dishes;
But if you wish her grateful prayer,
Give her [Scotland] a Haggis!
……
Well that’s it! Perhaps the best way to resolve the dilemma in the politest way is to apologise to the haggis before beginning the Address to a Haggis using our southern words … perhaps in suitable rhyme so!
Preamble to ‘Address to a Haggis poem’
Oh worthy proud and Scottish dish
As a Sassenach,
Before your demise
I have to apologise
For addressing your worthy self in English
……
Well that’s it for now. As it happens, Barnbuskers Ceilidh Band is playing the music for a Burns Night Ceilidh at the Wyndham Arms, Kingsbury Episcopi near Martock with Scottish expert dance caller Bridget Flett organising the dancing so it’s fun for everyone even if they haven’t attended a Burns Night Ceilidh before. Tickets are available from Eventbrite or on the door. Perhaps we’ll see you there and together we can address the haggis with music and poetry.
Barnbuskers 